big day in Portuguese-land

Because our car hasn't arrived yet (and even after it arrives, has to go through a thousand steps so we probably won't get it until Christmas, assuming the Customs strike is over by then), I take taxis and use Uber a lot.

(As an aside, Uber may go away in the next week here in Rio, which is a tremendous cause for sadness in my life.  There's the normal taxi vs Uber battle that goes on everywhere, but the taxis appear to be winning here.  The City Council voted last week to outlaw Uber and unless the mayor ix-nays that in the next week (he had 2 weeks), we'll be without Uber.  To put things into perspective, yesterday I took a taxi one way and an Uber X (the cheapest of the two versions of Uber here) on the way back home.  The taxi fare was R$14 and the Uber X was R$6.  At yesterday's exchange rate of something like 3.66 Reais to the USD, both fares were good deals but the Uber X was incredible.  I will cry a river of tears if Uber goes away.)

So back to the big day in Portuguese-land.

Today was a crazy day of running from one part of the city to another.  I rarely schedule multiple things in one day in different parts of the city because traffic is a nightmare but today could not be helped.

The day started at my favorite cafe in the whole city, near the Botanical Gardens, with two cute ladies who I met a couple weeks ago.  One is British and the other is a New Zealander and they're both fun (and funny!), entertaining people.  I took a cab from home to the cafe but the driver only required minimal engagement so I didn't have to speak much.  Which was a good thing because I was saving up my daily coffee allowance for the cafe.

After the coffee, I caught an Uber to the consulate to attend a lunch. This Uber driver started talking and did not stop for the 30 minutes that it took us to get to the consulate.  It turns out he's a music minister at an evangelical church here and he is BIG on religion.  I didn't follow a lot of the conversation because he was engaging in seminary-level discourse on religion - in Portuguese - so I found myself alternately uh-uh-ing randomly and staring blankly at him in the rearview mirror, hoping he would get the hint and stop talking.  Oh, and also alternately on a third alternate wish, I was praying that my phone would miraculously ring and I'd have to have a long-winded conversation with someone - anyone - on the phone.  The phone did not ring and my blank stares at him in the rearview mirror did not work. The random uh-uhs didn't work either because I used them inappropriately.

For instance, he asked me if I believed in "something".  (Remember this is all in Portuguese and I'm tuning out by now.)  I thought he was asking if I believed in John the Baptist.  So I said, "uh-uh".  I got John the Baptist.  Jesus' cousin. Elizabeth was his old mom who thought she'd never have children but she had him.  Got it.. Sure I believe in John the Baptist.

The driver acted surprised so I realized I'd answered in a way that he hadn't expected.  I asked him to repeat the question.  What I think he was asking me was, "do you believe in - blah, blah, blah - John the Baptist - blah blah blah - speaking in tongues?"  Now I'm still not sure that's what he said, but I definitely heard something about speaking in tongues. I answered that I don't know whether I "believe" in it, BUT that I do not engage in it and nor has any church I've ever attended in my life practiced it.  So speaking in tongues is not my thing.  (These, by the way, are discussions you don't generally have when learning a foreign language at the State Department, which is where I learned Portuguese.)
  
I wish he'd just have bought my original but incorrect "uh-uh" because then I had to get a lesson on why speaking in tongues was ordained by the Bible.  Or at least that's what I think I got a lesson in.  It really was all above my Portuguese level.

The next stop on the Bible Uber ride was a discussion on how we're at the end of times.  Oh dear, my knowledge of the book of Revelation is really minimal.  But not to worry, my Uber driver came to the rescue and explained exactly the signs of why we're near the end of times. Except that I really didn't understand much except something about a fig leaf and Israel and a fig leaf is the symbol of Israel and that all means we're at the end of times.

At this point, I made a mental note to myself to google "how to make iphone ring on its own" so I could be better prepared next time for a fake conversation with myself.

Thankfully and mercifully, we got to the consulate and I got to escape the car.

I did the lunch thing and hopped back in another Uber to go for a haircut.

Getting a haircut in a foreign language is possibly the most frightening thing of all to do in a foreign country.  Unlike a bad conversation with a taxi driver that's over in minutes, you might have to live with a translation screw-up during a haircut for a LONG time.  I'd gotten a recommendation from a woman with a cute short haircut that we met via the UFC - she said her guy is the best short-hair hairstylist in all of Rio - so I'd made my appointment with her person.  Half the battle is always making the appointment so I was very pleased to arrive at the salon and the receptionist to see my name in the schedule.

I got a great cut and the price was cheap, but I wasn't 100% crazy about the stylist's attitude.  For starters, he was trying to part my hair on one side and I told him I part it on the other side.  (I do switch parts but I have a predominant side and if he was going to cut lopsided, I wanted it cut lopsided the right way.)  He acted like he understood me and still when he styled it, he put the part on the wrong side.  I don't think he cut it lopsided so it won't matter but it's the point, right?  And then I told him I wanted really short bangs.  He assented and then proceeded not to cut them short.  So he finished up and I said I wanted them shorter and that he could cut them now or I'd cut them later.  His pick. I could tell he was not amused. He cut them slightly shorter but I may be taking scissors to bangs in the next day or two after I've seen this cut in action.  If you don't do what I ask, then at least explain why you're not doing it.  Tell me my facial structure is such that short bangs won't do because of x, y or z but don't just not do it.

I also got a manicure while my hair was being cut.  It's very disconcerting to have cut hair flying everywhere while your fingernails are being painted.  I didn't want hair stuck in the wet nail polish.  I ended up with a pretty decent manicure but my shirt was literally covered in hair when the whole thing was done.  It was all very messy but I walked out the door with a haircut and manicure for less than $30 so I can't really complain too much.

Then I caught a cab home and had a blissfully normal cab driver who talked endlessly about the weather, which I can handle even on a bad Portuguese day. Oh, and he complimented my Portuguese so he was favorite driver of the day.