a bad internet sort of day

This is definitely not the sort of news you should be delivered via e-mail and I intend to take that up with the adoption agency when I'm a little more rational than right now.

Because we've gotten so much support from so many people, I posted an update on Facebook today that the birth mother had changed her mind and this child would no longer be available for adoption. Believe me when I tell you that I am happy for the birth mother and the child because I would never want to feel like I had made a mother child-less just so I could have another child.

Someone - an adoptive mother, no less - wrote back and said that she was sorry but she hoped it was some consolation that we hadn't grown attached to the child yet. W-H-A-T???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? CAN SHE BE SERIOUS? (And yes, I am screaming and yelling via the internet).

Let me set the record straight for any of you that may not know what to say in these circumstances. You DO NOT say "at least you didn't grow attached". As a woman who miscarried a baby at 14 weeks, I had grown attached to a fetus and the loss was devastating. As a potential adoptive mother a year ago, I grew attached to the baby that the Brazilian woman was carrying that Brazilian law would ultimately not allow us to adopt that I had only seen in an ultrasound. As a potential adoptive mother on the second go-round, I had grown attached to a little boy that we'd laid claim to a few weeks ago. I might have only seen photos and video of him, but you may rest assured I considered him mine as much as I considered the miscarried baby mine as much as I consider Mac mine.

Forgive my rant. It's been a tough afternoon.