I took lessons one summer with my sister and cousin at the town courts in Moncks Corner when we were all in elementary school. The lessons must have been an hour or two everyday for a week or something like that. That part of the memory is a little hazy. Unfortunately we didn't have tennis courts at our house out in the country and practicing on a gravel driveway really isn't the same as practicing on a real court. Or a smooth surface. Tennis balls don't bounce right on rocks. You get the idea. I was a victim of my circumstances and didn't develop to my full potential.
I didn't take up tennis again until we moved to Mexico, some 20+ years after that first false start. We joined that fancy sports/social club in Guadalajara and since I didn't like to do gym stuff but felt compelled to do some form of exercise to justify the club expense, I added extra expense by taking tennis lessons with this adorable boy named Pedro. Pedro didn't speak great English and I didn't speak great Spanish, so there wasn't really too much communication going on. And I could never get my serve right, or even over the net really in the right square, so I decided that I'd never be a tennis player. I mean, if you can't serve and get it in, you stand no chance of winning. Ever.
Fast forward twelve years and I find myself in this cardio tennis class and you'll not believe what happened in the last two weeks.
Ready for it?
I actually started - more or less - consistently - sort of - getting most of my serves in. This is nothing short of miraculous, I tell you.
So I did what all good tennis players in the Lowcountry do right now. That's right, friends. I went to the Family Circle Cup. We went on Saturday as a family for the opening day and then I went again yesterday by myself. Because you know, we tennis freaks just can't get enough of it.
I have a few observations I'd like to share with you about professional tennis matches in Charleston.
1. There are a lot of fake blonds out there with leathery skin who have played in the sun entirely too much with entirely too little sunscreen on.
2. Random conversations that I heard/eavesdropped on (because I was sitting one row ahead of these loud people so it was impossible not to hear) included the following (you need to read these in a strong southern accent for full effect):
a) We went over to Mitzy's house last night and decided to get in the hot tub. I had to borrow Mitzy's bathing suit and you know she's about as big as a twig (to which the other lady responded "and you aren't") and we drank too much and between the alcohol and the hot water, I am so dehydrated today. Could someone get me another beer?
b) I believe that girl down there is drinking a bloody mary. Where do you suppose she got that from? Do you think she brought that from home? (To which I wanted to say "why no, Buffy, I don't think she did unless she has a stockpile of plastic Solo cups at her home that happen to have the Family Circle Cup logo on them", but back to the real conversation). I think it's most civilized to drink a bloody mary in the morning on a post-safari drive. Do you remember those post-safari-drive bloody marys, Muffy? I believe I'm going to ask her if she's been on a safari to get that drink. (To which Buffy went down and asked the girl exactly that.)
3. Unless you're a professional tennis player, who is actually playing in the Family Circle Cup, you really should not wear a tennis skirt to the matches. I mean, really, do you think one of the real player's coaches is going to spot you in the distance in your tennis skirt with your platinum fake blond hair and run after you, saying "I have been looking for a 55 year-old woman to coach professionally and you.are.it". Puh-lease.
4. I have nothing against Lily Pulitzer. I don't wear her, but a lot, and I mean, a whole lot of Charleston ladies wear her "to the tennis". With matching fancy flip-flops.
5. Yesterday I watched a match between this German girl
and this American girl (who's worthy of two photos so you can see how her tennis skirt is hitched up on one side).
Sort of "Pretty in Pink", Vision of Springtime (complete with matching pink fingernails), Miss Easter of the WTA
vs
Hoochie Mama.
Who knew that Under Armour sponsored women's tennis apparel? (You can't see the logo in these photos, but she's in Under Armour from head to toe). The American girl had to wipe sweat profusely off her body during the match. I wonder if there's any correlation between the volume of sweat and her black knee socks?
For this match, I sat in the "end zone" and Hoochie returned a serve poorly and the ball went into the stands right where I was sitting. Fortunately, I had seen a guy on Saturday try to steal a ball in the same manner and I learned that was unacceptable etiquette based on the line judge's response to him. Obviously, this is not like going to a Yankees game. So the ball came over, the line judge turned around towards me, so I got out of my seat, got the ball and was going to hand it to the line judge when I noticed Pretty in Pink was walking towards me with her hand outstretched. (She obviously thought it was a lucky ball since Hoochie couldn't return it properly). So I handed her the ball through the fence and she said "thank you" in lovely, soft English. Pretty is as pretty does.
Hoochie, on the other hand, had minimal contact with anyone. When she needed her towel to wipe off the sweat, she pointed her finger at the towel so the ball boy could hop to and get it for her. I don't know if she competes at Wimbledon, but what do you suppose she wears there?
(P.S. As in life, being a nice girl doesn't mean you always come in first. Hoochie beat Pretty in Pink in 3 sets, but I put in my vote for Pretty in Pink to also be named Miss Congeniality of the Family Circle Cup.)
6. Watching professional athletes really is inspiring and it makes you want to be as good as you possibly can be. Tomorrow morning when I go to cardio tennis, I think I might try to wow the girls in my class by serving like this:
or lunging like this on a return:
Surely my tennis instructor is trained in rapid response first aid so when I inevitably injure myself, she will be right there to help me.
7. I am a sucker for free stuff. You'd think I had a deprived childhood or something, but I am drawn to free giveaways like a moth to a flame. SunTrust was giving away these little tennis ball things yesterday so when the lady asked if I wanted one, I said sure. (It's one of those storage things on a lanyard that you pull apart and put stuff in to keep it waterproof at the beach. I knew Mac would love it and it could be my feeble attempt to bring him a souvenir from my fun day while he was slogging it out in the first grade. Sort of like bringing him the stationery from the hotel when he doesn't get to go on the trip.) Anyway, the bank lady asked me if I wanted to enter this contest for a little video camera thing. How do you say no to that? Of course, SunTrust is going to bombard me with literature from now until the day I die, but it took about a minute of my time to do it and maybe I'll win the camcorder. So I finished up and the lady asked me what size t-shirt I wanted. Are you kidding me? What else do you have back there, woman? I really did ask if they had kids' sizes, but no dice. So I am now the proud owner of a SunTrust t-shirt which you better believe I'll use. (I also got a sample of vitamins that the WTA tennis players use. I'm kind of nervous to take them because I was given a very, very strict warning to take them after eating. I only got two doses (of like 7 vitamins per dose), but I wonder if I'll play like a professional after taking them???)
8. Like Oprah, there are things that I know for sure. What I know for sure about watching tennis at the Family Circle Cup, Althea Gibson Court, is that it must be awfully nice to be watching from here
instead of on the hard bleachers with no back out in the blazing sunshine where the no-see-ums eat you up.
No comments:
Post a Comment