the reality is sinking in

As we've prepared for this move, we didn't want Mac to get super-sad about it so we just focused on the positive happiness of moving: we'd be close to family and local friends again and Mac could play with most of his cousins any time he wanted and really that's about the only positive happiness I've seeing in this move right now.

Well Mac really took that denial thing and ran with it. I, on the one hand, have been crying at the drop of a hat. Somebody mentions airplanes or Afghanistan or summer vacation, and I pull out a wadded-up bunch of kleenexes to stop the inevitable rushing of tears that spill over my eyelids.

Mac, on the other hand, hasn't expressed the first hint of sadness. He's had last playdates with friends and while I'm practically hysterical thanking the mother, he's as cool as a cucumber about the whole thing.

Until today.

I picked him up from school as a surprise so he could play on the grassy field after school with his friends (and because we don't have any toys at home, so this is easy entertainment). He handed me his backpack and told me not to open one of the zippered compartments, which immediately made me ask "what do you have in there that's not supposed to be in there?" Turns out he took something from a center at school so I told him to march right back in there and put it back. His teacher and I started talking and I told her what he was doing. So she went over to talk to him and he told her (or more likely she suggested and he agreed) that he was taking it to have a reminder of her and his classmates. I'm not convinced that's the real reason he took it but that's the story I was told. She gave him this huge stuffed apple as a reminder (so if he was stealing, he got a BIG reward). I was trying to give them some space to work this out but Mac was so sad, crying and telling her he loved her. We walked away and for the first time, I saw and felt his sadness, which made me sad for doing this to him. He's got so many changes ahead of him: new house, new friends, new school, new church, all while Daddy's away. It's a tough sell for me and I had a choice in the matter, but it must seem incomprehensible to a 6 year-old. We will console ourselves by going to eat at a churrascaria tonight with friends. Surely this is nothing that some meat and grilled cheese can't cure....