me and a dude named Juan Pablo

As you may remember, I took a cardio tennis class last year at Pinewood that I loved. It was great exercise, but I found that I also loved playing tennis again.

There are no "public courts" in Bogota, at least not where I live, so the options for playing tennis are to join an expensive club (which we have not done because we'd feel compelled to spend every waking moment there to get our money's worth) or to play at the ambassador's residence which has a lovely court overlooking the city.

So I chose the latter of the options and am now taking a class with a dude named Juan Pablo. I was supposed to be taking this class with a friend but her son was medevaced to the US so I've now been flying solo for all the three lessons that I've had thus far.

In case you've never lived at 8600 feet, let me explain to you how it feels to exert any sort of energy whatsoever: HARD. You can never take a deep, satisfying breath and you breathe entirely too heavily and rapidly with minimal exertion, like when you're just walking around your apartment.

Now enter me playing tennis at 8600 feet and you get a really pathetic picture. I spend what seems like half the class with my arms over my head, trying to expand my lungs, and the other half of the class doubled over to make the lightheadedness go away.

And then when the hour's over, my body is so sore that I barely have the strength to wash my hair in the shower, let alone blowdry it afterwards. My hair's pretty short now so neither of those actions take too terribly long.

So today, because I felt like such a total wimp after class, I decided to research training at high altitude.

From eHow, I got the following on training (running in particular) at high altitude. My notations are in bold.

1. Appreciate the fact that exertion at high altitude is more difficult than at sea level. This is so because of the reduced partial pressure of oxygen as elevation rises. The decrease in oxygen pressure impairs the oxygenation of blood flowing through your lungs, ultimately resulting in a corresponding diminished oxygen supply to working muscles. Studies by the Federation of Sport at Altitude have shown that the lack of oxygen at elevations above 10,000 feet translates to 25-40% less muscle power. Since we're at 8600 feet, my loss of muscle power should be maybe 15%-30% or so, but given my performance as a non-athlete attempting to play tennis, I'd say my muscle power loss is right at about, oh say, 100%. Additionally, I believe - medically speaking - that the oxygen supply to my nonexistent muscles is not diminished, but absent.

2. Acclimate. To compensate lack of oxygen at altitude, your heart will have to work harder to maintain the same pace. Your body will also alter its blood composition to compensate for altitude. After approximately 14-60 days of altitude acclimatization, your body produces more red blood cells and hemoglobin - the iron-protein compound that transports oxygen. Having been here now for 88 days, I'm pretty sure that I have more red blood cells and hemoglobin than is humanly possible. In fact, I probably don't need to eat a steak for 12 more years.

3. Dope naturally (Shhhh. We don't talk about "dope" too loud in these parts.). Altitude causes the kidneys to increase production of erythropoietin or EPO, which stimulates bone marrow production to increase both the concentration of red cells in the blood and total plasma volume (maybe I could be a plasma donor with all my extra plasma - don't you get paid for that in the US?). Working muscle tissue also learns to rely on more fatty acids, rather than the common glycogen source of energy fuel. What I'm reading here is that I'm a fat-burning machine. Does that sound right to you?

4. Be sensitive to the fact that everyone adapts to altitude differently and some people even adjust to elevation differently at different times. Studies have shown that the physiological response to altitude training varies widely, depending upon individual characteristics. Customize your altitude training based upon advice from a coach, exercise physiologist, or other certified trainer. I believe that means that maybe I should take to resting on the couch to watch "Oprah" and skip all that exercise nonsense as I don't think I've acclimitized fully yet.

5. Train on trails to be comfortable with your off-road running abilities. There are very few paved roads above 12,000 feet. My tennis coach told me today that it's impossible to run outside in Bogota because of thieves. I heard him say that myself. So there will be no running off-road (or on-road for that matter).

6. Adapt to high altitude running by focusing on maintaining a steady rhythm with regular breathing (I just focus on breathing period. As in "to stay alive". As in "to keep whatever paltry bit of oxygen there is in my body circulating around so I don't kill off brain cells).Slow down (I keep telling my tennis coach that, but he doesn't listen very well) and use a shorter stride (if my stride were any shorter, I'd be motionless) to keep from becoming out of breath. Walk when necessary (always), especially when the grade is steep.

7. Familiarize yourself with orienteering and hone your navigational skills, given the lack of trodden paths, signposts, or other landmarks at high altitudes. Also be alert that the lack of oxygen to the brain causes disorientation. Forget orienteering and navigational skills- I won't be needing those. I'm more interested in that part about the lack of oxygen causing disorientation. Is that my problem? I knew there had to be a medical reason for my looniness.

Now if you'll excuse me, my arms are tired from typing and I need to drink a Coca-Cola. I think that was supposed to be Step 8 but they forgot to put it in.