I really debated about "going public" with our current adoption struggle. Infertility and, for us, the urgent and resultant desire to adopt are such personal things - even though many people invade that privacy by being quick to ask about our plans to have more children. (As an aside, I have learned that nothing gets somebody to change the topic faster after asking that question than answering "I apparently have used up all my eggs.")
I also worried about going public because my email was ultimately a prayer request. We have so many friends of different faiths that I was afraid of offending somebody.
So as I was clicking the boxes of who to send the email, I left out a lot of people. Then my computer froze and the email didn't send and I had to start all over. So when I got to the point of clicking the boxes again, I decided to go for broke and click everybody I know. I decided that as people read the part about praying for God's direction, even if they never uttered another prayer about our plight, God would've heard that single utterance and heard my cry.
I have gotten so many emails this afternoon from people near and far who have promised to pray for us and remember us, and knowing that all these people are sending up prayers and sending us well wishes is just more than I could have imagined.
Several friends have sent their emails on to other people and tiny rays of hope have come through in what has otherwise been a dismal, tear-filled day of nothing but discouraging news. A friend of a friend of friends works in the legal arena in Brasilia who might can help and somebody else knows someone who adopted two children here and he's going to get me the names of his legal team and somebody else called the local government adoption agency here in Sao Paulo to discuss our situation to find out the possibilities. I asked for prayer and got so much above and beyond.
Jimmy has tried to prepare me for what I think he sees as nearly unavoidable and eventual disappointment. He works within the confines of the bureaucracy here nearly everyday, but fortunately I don't, so I'm not jaded into thinking that this can't happen.
We had a discussion last night about what could be God's purpose in bringing us through this if not to have a baby at the end of it. Jimmy feels like even if we don't get the baby, maybe having this birth mother brought into our lives might be part of God's purpose. Meeting the birth mother and understanding her plight and her desire to find a good home for this new baby so she can get back to her other children and our trying to help her meet that goal might have to be enough.
Or it might be the unexpected outpouring of gifts from our friends today of prayer and love and trying to help us get this baby. I knew we had great friends, but today I know we have the most extraordinary friends on the planet.
Yesterday I started reading a fictional work called "Unaccustomed Earth" by Jhumpa Lahiri. I don't know what you technically call it when an author chooses to put a little quote in the front of the book before Chapter One starts, but she chose a quote from Nathaniel Hawthorne's "The Custom-House". The quote spoke to me for different reasons than it spoke to the author, I'm sure, but here it is:
"Human nature will not flourish, any more than a potato, if it be planted and replanted, for too long a series of generations, in the same worn-out soil. My children have had other birthplaces, and, so far as their fortunes may be within my control, shall strike their roots into unaccustomed earth."
Brazilian adoption law heavily favors keeping adoptable children in Brazil. I can completely understand their desire for the continuation of heritage, culture, language, etc. But is this baby the potato that needs to stretch its roots in the unaccustomed earth of a home made by American parents? Would that be as awful a thing for that child as the lady in Brasilia seems to think? I can't help but think that a home filled with love is more important than what language this child grows up to speak.
Tomorrow's a new day and we'll see what it brings.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The Power of YOU CAN!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF9wo9sVn2c&feature=email
Either cut and paste this link into your browser or click on the YouTube link over to the right! It's so worth watching.
Either cut and paste this link into your browser or click on the YouTube link over to the right! It's so worth watching.
Post-Brasilia Update on Adoption
I met the birth mother on Monday afternoon in what was a slightly awkward meeting. She's 28, appears healthy, and has had 4 other healthy children (who either live with her mother or their fathers). She is from the state of Maranhao and came down to the state of Goias because she had family there and she thought she could make more money down there than she could in Maranhao (where she was lucky to earn R$100 ($60 USD) a month). She didn't realize she was pregnant until she got to Goias.
She appears very eager to hand the baby over and return to her family in Maranhao. Her intention is to get on a bus for Maranhao as soon as she leaves the hospital. I would like to think that she's willing to hand over this baby to us because she liked us the best and thought we'd do the best job with her child, but I think she was just looking for anybody who seemed halfway decent and responsible.
She agreed to allow me to take her for an ultrasound so I could see the baby. We tried to get an appointment with my former doctor there but she wasn't working on Monday afternoon, so the birth mother had the idea that I could drive her back to her town and we could go to the little private hospital there to have the ultrasound. In what was a lapse of sanity, I agreed. I think now of everything that could've happened, but thankfully nothing did so it is not regrettable.
We got lost getting there (it's only 30km from Brasilia but we took the wrong road and a quick trip ended up a little longer). Our hospital visit ended up taking 2 hours - about 1 hour and 55 minutes of waiting and 5 minutes of the ultrasound. It was all worth it because I got to see the baby and he is beautiful and big and healthy (and definitely a boy).
By now it was getting dark and I was getting nervous. Her house is way up in this rabbit warren of dirt roads and it was at this point that I thought things could go terribly awry. We stopped at a grocery store to get her some food and then I delivered her home (her aunt's house). It's a very humble dwelling - she has lived a far more difficult existence than I can even imagine. I left her there and set off for Brasilia. Fortunately I didn't get lost and the 30 km passed very quickly.
On the plane going to BSB, I randomly opened my Bible and read a lot from the Psalms. The verse that I kept repeating to myself before I went into my meeting with her (when I feared rejection) and then again on the road home (when I feared for my safety) was Psalm 118:6 - "The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
I should have been reciting that verse yesterday when I went to the Vara de Infancia in Brasilia (the government adoption agency). Jimmy and I met with a woman there 14 months ago when we were first trying to start the adoption process and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. We have taught Mac that we don't "hate" people, so I don't "hate" this lady who runs the office on international adoptions, but I -- insert verb for whatever is the closest thing to hating without hating --- this lady. I explained the situation to her and she said "esse nao pode acontecer" - "this (foreigners adopting a baby that is handed over from the birth mother) cannot happen." Apparently there are a million Brazilians in line in front of us who want newborns and so there's no way a foreigner can adopt a baby. (My question is if there are so many people willing to adopt newborns in Brazil, why are there so many unadoptable teenagers in Brazilian orphanages? Did they become burdensome only as they got older and so their moms put them in the orphanage then??)
Anyway, I told her that it can happen because there's an American family (who facilitated my meeting with the birth mother) in Brasilia who has just finalized an adoption of a Brazilian baby who was handed over specifically to them by the mother. Our meeting went nowhere because she just kept telling me no, so I left and decided then that I was going to follow some advice Jimmy subscribes to: Why take no from somebody when there's somebody out there who can give you a yes?
So I'm now on a quest for my "yes man". I am desperate to find a lawyer in this country who can work on this with me because time is of the essence. I ask that you pray specifically for God's direction for us in this process. I know that our answer may ultimately turn out to be "no", but I'm not stopping yet. Right now we need some guidance from an expert who can navigate this bureaucratic nightmare with us.
She appears very eager to hand the baby over and return to her family in Maranhao. Her intention is to get on a bus for Maranhao as soon as she leaves the hospital. I would like to think that she's willing to hand over this baby to us because she liked us the best and thought we'd do the best job with her child, but I think she was just looking for anybody who seemed halfway decent and responsible.
She agreed to allow me to take her for an ultrasound so I could see the baby. We tried to get an appointment with my former doctor there but she wasn't working on Monday afternoon, so the birth mother had the idea that I could drive her back to her town and we could go to the little private hospital there to have the ultrasound. In what was a lapse of sanity, I agreed. I think now of everything that could've happened, but thankfully nothing did so it is not regrettable.
We got lost getting there (it's only 30km from Brasilia but we took the wrong road and a quick trip ended up a little longer). Our hospital visit ended up taking 2 hours - about 1 hour and 55 minutes of waiting and 5 minutes of the ultrasound. It was all worth it because I got to see the baby and he is beautiful and big and healthy (and definitely a boy).
By now it was getting dark and I was getting nervous. Her house is way up in this rabbit warren of dirt roads and it was at this point that I thought things could go terribly awry. We stopped at a grocery store to get her some food and then I delivered her home (her aunt's house). It's a very humble dwelling - she has lived a far more difficult existence than I can even imagine. I left her there and set off for Brasilia. Fortunately I didn't get lost and the 30 km passed very quickly.
On the plane going to BSB, I randomly opened my Bible and read a lot from the Psalms. The verse that I kept repeating to myself before I went into my meeting with her (when I feared rejection) and then again on the road home (when I feared for my safety) was Psalm 118:6 - "The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
I should have been reciting that verse yesterday when I went to the Vara de Infancia in Brasilia (the government adoption agency). Jimmy and I met with a woman there 14 months ago when we were first trying to start the adoption process and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. We have taught Mac that we don't "hate" people, so I don't "hate" this lady who runs the office on international adoptions, but I -- insert verb for whatever is the closest thing to hating without hating --- this lady. I explained the situation to her and she said "esse nao pode acontecer" - "this (foreigners adopting a baby that is handed over from the birth mother) cannot happen." Apparently there are a million Brazilians in line in front of us who want newborns and so there's no way a foreigner can adopt a baby. (My question is if there are so many people willing to adopt newborns in Brazil, why are there so many unadoptable teenagers in Brazilian orphanages? Did they become burdensome only as they got older and so their moms put them in the orphanage then??)
Anyway, I told her that it can happen because there's an American family (who facilitated my meeting with the birth mother) in Brasilia who has just finalized an adoption of a Brazilian baby who was handed over specifically to them by the mother. Our meeting went nowhere because she just kept telling me no, so I left and decided then that I was going to follow some advice Jimmy subscribes to: Why take no from somebody when there's somebody out there who can give you a yes?
So I'm now on a quest for my "yes man". I am desperate to find a lawyer in this country who can work on this with me because time is of the essence. I ask that you pray specifically for God's direction for us in this process. I know that our answer may ultimately turn out to be "no", but I'm not stopping yet. Right now we need some guidance from an expert who can navigate this bureaucratic nightmare with us.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Looking for some Prayer Warriors
As some of you know, we have struggled with infertility and God's plan for us regarding more children, which we desperately want. In June, I underwent unsuccssful medical treatment, and because of our limited time left in Brazil, we know we don't have the time to fight the bureaucratic adoptive process here. In what was our final show of giving up total control, we sold all of Mac's baby stuff last weekend. Last Sunday was Brazilian Father's Day and part of the sermon focused on delighting in your child, so we decided to delight in this near-perfect little boy we have and not focus on what we don't have.
And then last night, I received a call out of the blue from a friend in Brasilia who had a lead on a woman who is pregnant and who is "100% sure she's going to give up the baby for adoption." Go figure...
So I'm off to Brasilia early in the morning to meet this birth mother to try and convince her that we're the right people for her to hand over her baby to. The baby is due September 20 and is a boy.
I am so nervous about this meeting and I really need your prayers. Specifically I'd like for you to pray for me to have the peace of God going into this and to know that no matter how this ends, God is sovereign and has great plans for me as a mother, even if it's only to Mac. I'd also like you to pray for the birth mother, that she might understand the depths of our hearts' desires. Even if she chooses not to give us her baby, I want her to know in her heart of hearts that we would've done anything possible to raise up a healthy, happy baby into an adult that she would've been proud of.
And then last night, I received a call out of the blue from a friend in Brasilia who had a lead on a woman who is pregnant and who is "100% sure she's going to give up the baby for adoption." Go figure...
So I'm off to Brasilia early in the morning to meet this birth mother to try and convince her that we're the right people for her to hand over her baby to. The baby is due September 20 and is a boy.
I am so nervous about this meeting and I really need your prayers. Specifically I'd like for you to pray for me to have the peace of God going into this and to know that no matter how this ends, God is sovereign and has great plans for me as a mother, even if it's only to Mac. I'd also like you to pray for the birth mother, that she might understand the depths of our hearts' desires. Even if she chooses not to give us her baby, I want her to know in her heart of hearts that we would've done anything possible to raise up a healthy, happy baby into an adult that she would've been proud of.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Mac's First Day of Kindergarten - a look back over the last 5 years
Forgive my nostalgia. Mac started Kindergarten today, and he and I went through all his baby gear this afternoon. It's been an overwhelming day.
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Monday, August 4, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Summer Happenings
Since my last posting, a lot has gone on at Casa Story. We took a family vacation to Argentina to snowski in late June. Sadly there wasn't a lot of snow, but we had a great time anyway. More will be coming on that trip later.
We arrived back in Sao Paulo on June 30, and Mac and I left for South Carolina on July 1, so it was a quick turnaround. Thankfully you use dramatically different clothes for winter and summer vacations.
Mac and I have had a good time visiting with family and friends. We spent some time at my mom's mountain cabin, and we've just come back from 12 days at the beach. Now that I've started packing up stuff, it seems like any other time was spent shopping. Photos will be forthcoming from the beach once I get back to SP next week.
Our biggest summer news has been the semi-finalization of Jimmy's onward assignment. As you know, Jimmy thought he would have been going to Afghanistan this summer, but our move to SP bought us an extra year. Time is nearly officially ticking now as it appears he's off to Afghanistan next summer. He was to be paneled for the job this week, and I haven't heard whether that happened, but if and when it does, it will all be a done deal. Tentatively, he is planning to leave SP by mid-April after which he'll enjoy a couple weeks at home before reporting to Washington for Pashto language training on May 1. Mac and I will stay in SP until mid-June so that Mac can graduate from Kindergarten there. Jimmy will then leave on August 1 to head to Afghanistan where he will be the political advisor to a military unit. It should be completely different from anything he's ever done before, and I know he'll make the most of it. Mac and I will spend the year in SC to be near family, which is the only way we'll be able to make the most of it!
So that's the news of the month. Mac and I leave next week, so we're busily filling our days with things like dental appointments and trips to the local aircraft carrier museum and of course, the last-minute shopping! Hope you're enjoying your summer wherever you are!
We arrived back in Sao Paulo on June 30, and Mac and I left for South Carolina on July 1, so it was a quick turnaround. Thankfully you use dramatically different clothes for winter and summer vacations.
Mac and I have had a good time visiting with family and friends. We spent some time at my mom's mountain cabin, and we've just come back from 12 days at the beach. Now that I've started packing up stuff, it seems like any other time was spent shopping. Photos will be forthcoming from the beach once I get back to SP next week.
Our biggest summer news has been the semi-finalization of Jimmy's onward assignment. As you know, Jimmy thought he would have been going to Afghanistan this summer, but our move to SP bought us an extra year. Time is nearly officially ticking now as it appears he's off to Afghanistan next summer. He was to be paneled for the job this week, and I haven't heard whether that happened, but if and when it does, it will all be a done deal. Tentatively, he is planning to leave SP by mid-April after which he'll enjoy a couple weeks at home before reporting to Washington for Pashto language training on May 1. Mac and I will stay in SP until mid-June so that Mac can graduate from Kindergarten there. Jimmy will then leave on August 1 to head to Afghanistan where he will be the political advisor to a military unit. It should be completely different from anything he's ever done before, and I know he'll make the most of it. Mac and I will spend the year in SC to be near family, which is the only way we'll be able to make the most of it!
So that's the news of the month. Mac and I leave next week, so we're busily filling our days with things like dental appointments and trips to the local aircraft carrier museum and of course, the last-minute shopping! Hope you're enjoying your summer wherever you are!
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